Blackmail
by Obi the Kid
Summary: PreTPM. ObiWan is 13 Nonslash. ObiWan and Bren suspicious of QuiGon's disappearing act, follow him to see if he's having cheating on Bren. If you've read my humor stories, you know all about whacky Obi.


It's a miracle! I am actually, finallyposting a story! YAY!

TITLE: Blackmail

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid PG

SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. (Obi-Wan is 13) Non-slash.

FEEDBACK: Yes, please.

ARCHIVE: Ask me first.

MY WEBSITEhttp/ The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

Blackmail

Qui-Gon Jinn, flanked by his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and his close friend, Master Bren Anders, entered the small, silver-lined diner. It was early, the sun having risen only moments ago. Obi-Wan dragged himself along at his master's side, groggy and babbling the entire time.

"Master, what is this place? It smells like a bantha's been living here. Why do you come to places like this? Better yet, why do you bring me to places like this? It's too early. I'm tired. Can we go home now?"

"No."

"You just like me to suffer, don't you? Obi angst. It makes you happy because once I have angst, I need mush. And when I ask you for mush, you get all freaked out. And then I suffer more. And you like to watch me suffer, because you think I make you suffer with my talking and hug requests. Don't lie to me, Master. I know you like the back of my hand."

Qui-Gon took a hold of the boy's hand, turned it so that the back of it was pointed towards the young face, and then shoved the hand into the boy's mouth. "That is the back of your hand. You two should get along nicely. We are here to eat, not to talk and not to hug. Understand?"

Obi-Wan pulled his hand away. "We are going to eat in silence? I can't do that, Master."

"Learn. I'm here for a relaxing breakfast."

The boy shrugged and looked up at Bren as they waited to be seated. "Don't look at me, kid. You did yourself in this time. I can only help you, I can't fight a war for you."

"Why does that sound so familiar?" He paused for a moment, then shrugged. "Oh well, doesn't matter. Can we eat now?"

The waitress seated them, recognized Jinn and called back into the kitchen. "Someone to see ya, hon!"

"Hon?" Obi-Wan scrunched his face up. "That's not an adult mush nickname is it?"

Qui-Gon ignored him as he watched the familiar large form of an old friend approaching from the kitchen. He stood to greet him when he got closer to their table. "Dex!" He held his arms out to welcome the big man into an embrace.

Still at the table, Obi-Wan sat in shock. His master? Hugging another person? Without complaint? Without running away saying 'lalalalalala'? Bren snapped her fingers in front of the padawan's face. No response. She shook him. Gentle at first. Then harder until he finally came out of his state of shock. "Huh?"

"Come on, kid. What's wrong with you?"

"He's…my master. He's hugging that man. My master doesn't hug. Ever! What's wrong with him? Why will he hug that man, but not me? This is not right. That man can't even keep his pants held up. Look at him, hugging with three hands, holding his pants with the forth. Have we not heard of suspenders? I have to put a stop to this. This is just wrong. I demand equal time for hugs. I can hug with all of my arms at one time. I don't need one to keep my pants from falling down. Doesn't that count for something? Hmm…a four-arm hug?"

Bren shook her head. "A little jealous aren't we? He does have a life outside of you, Obi-Wan. I thought you knew that."

"I did. But I assumed it was a bland, mush-free one, like the one he lives with me. I can't deal with this double life he's leading."

Standing up and walking over to the embraced pair, Obi-Wan cleared his throat. Loudly. He put his hands on his waist and stared angrily at his master, continually clearing his throat until Qui-Gon broke the embrace and turned around.

"Oh, Obi-Wan. Good. I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is Dex. And old friend of mine. Dex, this is Obi-Wan. My apprentice."

Just as Dex began to lean forward to put his arms around the smaller Jedi, Obi-Wan held up a hand. "Hold it. Hold it. They'll be none of that until I have my say about this."

"About what?"

"About you, Master! Did you see what you just did?"

"I introduced you to Dex."

"Before that."

"I greeted him."

"And how did you greet him?"

"I hugged him."

"Yes you did."

"Yes I did."

"And? Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Ah, no. Can't think of anything off hand. Sorry."

"How many times have I asked you for a hug? And how many times have you struck me down by saying that I don't need mush. That you are here to train me, not hug me? And now, we get to this place, ready to sit down to a, I assume, edible breakfast, and the first thing you do is go behind my back and hug someone. Someone else who is not me. I would like an explanation."

"I didn't go behind your back. I was in front of your face. And Dex is an old friend of mine. He doesn't talk me to death all day and demand hugs. Get that word? Demand. You don't ask for hugs, you demand them. I see you everyday, I see Dex a few times a year. Bren will hug you. Now as I was saying, Obi-Wan, this is Dex. He runs the diner."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Smooth transfer away from the issue at hand, Master. Mr. Dex, you do know you're having a pants problem there, right? Suspenders might be a good idea."

Unable to hold back any longer, Bren, who'd been standing behind the group, hung her head and laughed out loud. The boy's bluntness always seemed to be oddly timed. And this one had caught her off guard. Nevertheless, she kept her distance and continued to observe even after the others turned to watch her laughing. "Continue, boys. Please. No need for me to interrupt."

Dex decided to jump in. Despite the young Jedi's show thus far, the big man had instantly taken a liking to the boy. "Obi-Wan, it's good to meet you. I've been a friend of your masters for a number of years now. I was wondering when he might begin training a new apprentice. But you look skinny. Leave it to me to help fix that problem."

The babbling had stopped for a moment as the deep voice and the thought of a nice big four-arm hug began to attack Obi-Wan's mind. Dex wasn't a troll, a poofy or a grumpy council member. Those were the only people that Obi-Wan strictly held on his 'do not hug' list. And Dex did seem like a jolly sort. It wasn't his fault that Master Qui-Gon hugged him rather than his own apprentice. He could hardly hold it against him. So he launched himself into Dex's arms and sank into the large embrace. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I like you, Mr. Dex. Even if you don't believe in suspenders." Dex let go of the boy eventually, but Obi-Wan did not follow. He stayed attached, drinking in every last bit of mush he could. He'd never had a four-arm hug before. It was twice the mush usually offered with a two-arm hug.

After a few moments, Qui-Gon grabbed him by this robe and tried to drag him away from his friend. "That's enough. You are leeching again. This is why I don't hug you. Let GO! NOW!"

"Masterrrr…"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi!"

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan pulled away from Dex and took a few steps back to stand next to Bren where he would be safe. Bren put her arm around him. "Nice going, Obi-Wan. You sure do know how to make a first impression on people."

"Mr. Dex is very cushiony. I liked those kinds of hugs the best." He smiled and looked at Dex who was smiling back.

"What'll ya have, young Obi-Wan?"

"Another hug?" He replied hopefully.

"After you eat. Hugs are better when coming after a good meal."

Obi-Wan grinned broadly, took a seat at the table and stuck his head into a menu. He hummed happily to himself while his master and Dex spoke for a moment. Bren took a seat next to the padawan and whispered to him.

"Obi-Wan, do you notice anything different about Qui-Gon's hair?"

He took a quick glance then looked away. "It's not as frizzy as it normally is, but that's because I got him new curlers last week."

"No, that's not what I'm talking about. It's shiny. And groomed. And pulled back differently. Hmmm…something's odd."

"You know, come to think of it, he has been acting different the last couple weeks. You remember a couple times I came to you and asked if you had seen him. He'd disappear for hours. Then suddenly, he would reappear. And he had a certain smell to him when he returned from wherever he went. Almost…perfume like. Uh oh…I hope he's not…"

Bren picked up the thought immediately. "He'd better not be cheating on me or he'll be singing soprano."

"Ouch!"

"Ouch ain't the half if it, kid. He usually vanishes in the morning, is that right?"

"Yes. And he's never gone for more than two hours. And when he comes back, he's unusually happy. He doesn't even yell at me when I ask for a hug. He doesn't actually hug me either, but at least he's pleasant when he rejects me."

"Uh huh. Something feeshy is going on around here."

"What do feesh have to do with it? Is this the bigger feesh that Master Qui-Gon is always talking about?"

"What?"

"You know. His favorite, 'there's always a bigger feesh' line. He's worn that one to death."

"Ah, no. Stay on the subject, kid. Your mind wanders too much sometimes. We need a plan."

"You want me to ask him about his hair?"

"No, that's not a plan. That's stupidity. You think he's gonna tell you that he's been having an affair?"

"Good thinking. So we need to have a secret plan. Be sneaky."

"Right. Now you got it. I want you to watch him in the mornings and the next time he looks like he's about to vanish, I want you to call me. We can follow him."

Obi-Wan frowned. "You want me to sacrifice my sleep for this?"

"You'll live. And besides, if he is having an affair, then I would have to leave him and you'd never see me again. So that would be hugs you'd never again see."

"Oh. We can't have that. I'm lacking in mush already. I need you, Master Bren. We must find out the truth."

"Yes! We can…shhh. Here he comes." She caught Qui-Gon's eyes as he sat down across from her. "Good to see Dex again isn't it?"

Qui-Gon smiled and nodded. "Always. What were you two whispering about?"

"Oh, nothing exciting. I was just making some suggestions to Obi-Wan about what he might want to order for breakfast."

Obi-Wan put the menu down and pointed to one of the items. "That's what I want. Master, your hair looks nice today, did you do something different with it?"

A sudden and painful kick to the boy's right knee came from Bren's direction.

"Never mind, Master. Just ignore my babbling…as you always do."

"I only wish I could ignore it. Are you ready to order, Bren?"

A short, evil glare towards Obi-Wan, then Bren smiled. "Yes. I'm ready. Obi-Wan?"

"I'm getting fried bantha cakes with choc cream."

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began, "that's too much fat and sugar. Get something a little more bland. Something that will make you sleepy. Here, order the Valium egg surprise."

"The Chancellor has a dish named after him? Wow. I wonder if Mr. Dex would name one after me. How about Obi's mush mash. Sounds good, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't. And for the last time, it's Chancellor VALORUM. Not VALIUM. Stop doing that. You are confusing the poor man. The last time I spoke with him, he asked me if I had a valorum to help him get to sleep at night. Order whatever you want. Just make sure it's something that takes a long time to eat so you can keep your mouth busy and I can have a little quiet time at breakfast."

Dex brought the food out personally for the trio. Three hands handling the tray while the forth was still holding his pants to keep them from falling. Obi-Wan just shook his head.

"You're so funny, Mr. Dex. I used to have a robe that was to big for me, but Master Qui-Gon did the laundry one day and shrunk it. Not intentionally though. He shrinks everything in there. And now my robe will fit Master Yoda. My master wasn't cut out for that kind of work. Would you like him to shrink your pants for you too?"

Qui-Gon reacted before Dex could. "Pay no attention to him, Dex. One of his hobbies is babbling. He'll babble to anyone or anything that moves."

A hearty laugh came from the big man and he clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder after setting down the plates. "I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Obi-Wan. If you ever need anything, you come to me if no one else has your answer. Even if it involves strange objects from Kamino."

"Huh?" Obi-Wan looked boggled. "What's Kamino?"

"Oh, whoops. Ignore that. Sometimes I babble on too much as well. Enjoy your breakfast. Yell if you need anything else." And he bumbled off into the kitchen once more.

After breakfast and farewell hugs from Dex, the small group left to return to the Temple. On the way back, Qui-Gon began to look nervous, almost like he was forgetting something. And as soon as they stepped onto the lift at the temple, he hit the stop button and directed the lift back to the docking bay. Bren was confused. "What are you doing?"

"Ah, sorry. I just forgot. I have to be someplace. Would you mind taking Obi-Wan home and getting him set up with his studies for the day? I won't be long. Just a couple hours. Thanks. I owe you." He leaned forward, kissed Bren on the cheek and then ran out to catch the first shuttle into the city.

Bren sighed as she watched the big Jedi hurrying for the shuttle. "This better not be what I think it is, Qui-Gon. Come on, kid. This is our chance. Let's play follow the Jedi Master, shall we?"

As Bren and Obi-Wan grabbed a speeder to follow the shuttle, Obi-Wan wondered about his master. "Do you really think he's having an affair? I mean he knows that if he did something like that you would kill first and ask questions later. And he's not your typical ladies man."

"Ladies man? What would you know about being a ladies man?"

"I have my own following. The female padawans, they love me. A lot of them even scream when I come into the room."

"Obi-Wan, they are screaming in terror, not in admiration. They know you and your mouthy reputation. Not to mention, most of them have seen your pale body. Don't you notice that they run away from you as they scream?"

"Well, yes. But that's because…"

"It's because they are afraid of you."

"Oh. Um. Okay. Never mind then. So, back to my two-timing master. He's a good guy, I don't know if he would cheat on you while you were still alive. He's scared of you."

"He should be."

They followed the shuttle to its third stop. The Plaza. Qui-Gon hurried off the ship and into the large shopping arena. Bren and Obi-Wan parked the speeder and rushed to keep up with him. Once inside, they lost him in the shuffle of people.

"Damn. You see him, kid? Anywhere?"

Obi-Wan did a quick survey of the general area and shook his head. "He's fast. Master Bren, if he was having an affair, why would he come to the plaza? He hates this place."

"Maybe SHE works here."

"Can't you adults control yourselves anymore? I thought teenagers had hormone problems. Affairs are nothing more than adult mush. And you know my feelings on that."

"Yes, I do. Please spare me the details and another lecture about the disgusting values of adult mush. We are here on a mission. Don't screw it up." Bren put a hand on the boy's shoulder and led him to the left. "We lost him, so we need to start somewhere. Walk and keep your eyes open. And don't start conversations with strangers. We don't have time to waste. Got it?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Okay, okay. Can we get some baja juice while we're walking?"

"No. You need to wean yourself off that stuff, kid. It's bad news. Goes straight to your bladder. Now, you look on that side of the aisle, I'll watch this side."

They searched for a hour with no luck. They'd walked the plaza at least three times. No sign of Qui-Gon. Until…Obi-Wan heard a familiar giggle as they wandered past the hair salon. "Shhh, what was that? I know that giggle." He moved to the entrance of the shop and pointed. "Those are the ladies that were flirting with Master Qui-Gon the last time we were here. They travel in a herd. And they were way to friendly with him too."

A few steps further in and both stopped to stare, wide-eyed, at the person that sat in one of the chairs in the rear of the shop. "Why, that little…what the hell is he doing in there? Who is that woman massaging his scalp? And who's the other woman bathing his feet? And there's one filing his nails. He's not cheating on me with one woman, it's a herd of them!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "I told you they travel in herds. But there's no adult mush going on. Does that come later? For my sake, I hope not."

Taking a step back, Bren tried to compose herself. "Should I kill him here or wait until we are home?"

"But, technically this is not an affair. It's just…weird. But now we know why his hair has been looking so nice lately. It's a professional job. And here I thought he'd finally learned something. I think we should take holos of this and hold it over his head for the rest of his life. Blackmail can be a wonderful thing, Master Bren."

She paused a moment to think over this. "So, he's not really cheating on me. At least not in the traditional sense. But he has been deceitful. Kid, I think you're right. Blackmail is indeed a wonderful thing. We need an image recorder. Did you see a store around here that sells them?"

They stepped back into the hall and Obi-Wan pointed to the right. "Down that way."

"You wait here. Don't let him out of your sight. But don't let him see you either. And pay attention. Don't let your mouth or your mush obsession take your eyes away from this shop. Okay?"

"Okay, but if they keep pampering him like this, I don't know how long I can hold my tongue. You need to hurry, Master Bren."

She ran off while the apprentice stood guard. He just about drew blood when he bit down hard on his bottom lip to keep himself from laughing when he heard his master giggle with the woman who was bathing his feet. There should be a law against padawans seeing their masters like this. Okay Obi, keep it together. If you bust out laughing, you'll ruin everything. And then Master Bren will kill you too. He kept quiet while he waited for Bren to return. One eye on his master, the other on the main part of the plaza. A pair came down the corridor, making their way through the crowds. Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes as they came closer.

Yup, it was them. Archives technician Mari Deril and Master Brazo. Walking arm-in-arm, making adult mush eyes at each other. He tried to make himself seem invisible so he didn't get caught in a conversation with them, but it wasn't working. They spotted him.

Obi-Wan saw Brazo hold out his arms and prepare himself to announce a loud greeting. He needed to keep him quiet. Master Qui-Gon knew Brazo's voice. If he heard it, the blackmail plan was shot. So he launched himself at Brazo without warning and wrapped his arms around him. "Master Brazo," he said in a whisper. "It's good to see you again."

Brazo, confused, whispered back. "And you as well, Obi-Wan. Why are we being so quiet?"

"Oh um…I have a headache. Yes. And my throat is sore. I'm sick. So I need to go easy with things."

From her place next to Brazo, Mari chimed in. "If you're so sick, why are you here? Shouldn't you be back at the temple resting?"

"Ah, yes. I should. That's a good idea. I think I'll do that. You guys must be busy. So just be on your way. Talk to ya later. Bye. Farewell. Adios. Bon Voyage. Arrivederci. Adieu. Go on. Get. Scram. Poof. Skedaddle. Beat it."

"Why are you trying to get rid of us? Are you here with Qui-Gon?"

"Ah no. He's um…I'm here with Master Bren."

"Obi-Wan, you don't lie very well."

"That's because I was thinking about um…my next research project. And Archives Mari reminded me of it. I need to do research. Can I come by this afternoon and do that?"

Mari laughed. "You want to come to my archives and do research? With your mouth? I think not. I won't have you disrupting the archives with your constant babbling and your need to ask everyone there if they need a hug. And stop calling me Archives Mari. That is not my name."

"So I am banned from the archives?"

"You can enter with supervision. I can't ban you completely. It goes against the council. But I can require that you not be there alone."

"You really need a hug, do you know that? Come to Obi."

"No, get away from me. I'm not falling for that. I hug you and you leech. Are you sure you're sick?"

Brazo could not help but laugh at the pair. He'd known Obi-Wan long enough to know that there was no winning with this boy. He figured it was about time to save Mari. "Okay, enough. We'll leave you here to do whatever it is you're doing."

With a quick peak inside the salon, Mari then ran a hand through Brazo's hair. "This is perfect, Brazo. Your hair is getting too long and shaggy. Go in and get a cut. Make it look nice for our date tonight."

Immediately, Obi-Wan put himself between the entrance and Brazo. "NO! No. Don't go in there."

"She's right, Obi-Wan, I do need a cut. It won't take long."

"Stop! Don't go in this salon. It's um…it's um…not clean. They don't even allow hugs. And I think I saw a rat in there."

"Obi-Wan, just let me past…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

From out of nowhere, Bren reappeared and slapped her hand around the boy's mouth, shutting him up instantly. She leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Real subtle, kid." Then she looked up to see Brazo and Mari, again with Mari running her hands thru his hair. "Um, hello. Still can't keep your hands off each other, can you?"

"It's adult mush again. That stuff is everywhere. Pass me a vomit bag." Obi-Wan replied as he scrunched his face. "No one is ever touching my hair like that. Or any part of me. This kid is off-limits. I don't care how popular I am with the women."

"Kid, we've been here before. Drop it. Brazo, Mari, you were just leaving, correct?"

Brazo shook his head. "Actually, I was about to get my hair cut here. Mari likes me with a softer look. She says it's sexy on me."

"Oh, I'm gonna be sick." Obi-Wan put a hand to his stomach.

"Hold it in, kid. You won't like this salon, Brazo. Trust me. It's not clean. They don't even allow hugs in there. And I think I saw a rat."

"You know, Bren, Obi-Wan said the same thing a few minutes ago. I think I SMELL a rat. You two are up to something. Are you ill as well?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Mari, lets keep walking, we'll stop by here on our way back. It might be safe to enter the salon by then. We'll see you two later. Hope you feel better, Obi-Wan." The last comment said with a nice dose of heavy sarcasm as the pair strolled off.

Bren turned to the younger Jedi. "I hope your master didn't hear all the commotion you just caused. Sheesh, kid. Can't you stay quiet for longer than thirty seconds?"

"Wasn't my fault. Blame the drooling twins that just left. They are disgusting. Did you get the image recorder?"

"Yup," she replied and patted the bag in her hand. "Right here. The guy at the store even set it up for me. Now all we have to do is sneak some holo's. Think you can keep your mouth shut while we do this? And what is Qui-Gon doing now?"

"He's having something done to his hands. Looks like they are buffing them or something. If they wax his legs and head, I am leaving the Jedi Order."

"Stay here. I'll snap the holo's." She lazily wandered into the salon, pretending to be a customer browsing the hair products. Every few moments she's quickly get the image recorder in position and grab a shot. Qui-Gon getting a foot massage. Qui-Gon getting a back rub. Qui-Gon getting his nails filed. Qui-Gon with his hair wrapped in a towel and sitting under some large round helmet looking contraption that went over his head, while he sat reading a holo-magazine called Troll Digest. Bren did her best not to laugh as she loaded the recorder with blackmail images. Once done, she hurried back outside to find Obi-Wan missing. She pressed his com code into her com link. "Obi-Wan, where the hell are you?"

The voice came back. "Baja juice central, Master Bren. I found this place called Orange Baja Julius. You want one?"

"No, get back here. I told you not to drink that stuff. Don't you ever listen?"

"I listen, but I don't obey. Are you sure you don't want one?"

Teeth clenched, but speaking in a whisper she replied, "Get back here or I will never hug you again."

"On my way." There was a click sound and three seconds later, Obi-Wan was at her side. Accompanying him was a large size drink commonly known as Barrel O'Baja.

"Maybe you should have gotten the medium size drink, Obi-Wan."

"This is the medium. The small is the size of a thimble. But for only a half a credit more, you can get this size. Good stuff. Here, taste it." He held the cup up to her and she took a long sip out of the straw.

"Wow, that is good. Why didn't you tell me about this stuff sooner? Go get me one of those. Hurry."

"I told you. I'll be right back." And two minutes later he was back with another large cup of baja for Bren. They each took a few minutes to suck down half of their drinks before Obi-Wan asked, "Are we leaving now?"

"Thanks, kid. Yes. Lets go."

Just as they turned to leave, a voice from behind stopped them. They froze in their tracks and glanced at each other. "Uh oh," they replied in unison.

Qui-Gon approached them. "My best friend and my padawan. Here. In the plaza. Baja juice in one hand. Image recorder in another. I thought that voice that screamed NO a while ago sounded familiar. So, to what do I owe this visit? Not a visit, more like a stalk. Spying are we?"

Bren gathered herself and faced him. Completely prepared to lie, until Obi-Wan's mouth started moving. Once it has begun, it could not be stopped.

"We followed you, Master. You've been so sneaky lately. We…Master Bren thought you were having an affair. And she wanted to kill you if that was the case. So she asked me if I wanted to follow you to find out what you were up to when you disappear for hours at a time. And you come back smelling so nice and with your hair looking so perfect. That's not you, Master. You don't usually smell nice, and your hair is usually pretty frizzy. So, something was wrong. We found you here, well, we followed you here after Dex's this morning and then lost you when we got into the plaza. There are so many people here. It's easy to get lost. Especially if you're a little guy like me. This place can be kinda scary too. Remember the Senator Ovaltine in boxers and black socks the last time we were here? I had nightmares for a month after that. That's just wrong to see something like that. My young, innocent eyes. What something like that can do to someone like me. Someone needs to get that man into a salon like this one. Which is where we finally found you. And you were in there flirting with all those ladies. So then we thought, well, Master Bren thought, that you were having an affair with a herd of other women. All those ladies playing with your fingers and toes. I hope you washed your feet, Master. Don't let those poor women smell them things. Does the word 'cheese' remind you of anything? So then we decided, well, Master Bren decided, to go buy an image recorder to snap holos of you while you were being pampered by strange women so she could have them to hold over your head the next time you did something stupid. Then Archives Mari and Master Brazo came by, I got a hug from Master Brazo, but Archives Mari just yelled at me about coming into her archives and asking for mush and talking to everyone. Then Master Bren came back and snuck around to get some good shots of you, and that's where we are now. Your hair looks nice, Master. Can I touch it?"

Qui-Gon stared at him for a moment, still amazed at the boy's lung capacity. "I don't even want to know how you said all that without taking a breath. That's just…not normal. But back to the point, you thought I was having an affair?"

"Not me, Master." Obi-Wan shook his head almost violently.

"Bren. I'm shocked. How could you think something like that? I would never betray our friendship like that. Not to mention, I'd like to live a few more years. I'd hate to knock Darth Maul out of a job."

Obi-Wan replied with a "huh?"

"Nothing. We are straying from the point. Now, Bren. Give me that image recorder."

"I think not, Stretch. Especially not after what your apprentice just pulled. We were supposed to be a team, kid. Partners. Partners don't rat on each other. They stick together."

Qui-Gon drew her attention back to him. "Bren, you know you went too far in this. You had no right to follow me like you did, and then to take holos without my knowledge. That's invasion of privacy. Don't make me go to the council."

"Get real, you won't go near the council. Because you'd have to admit where you were. And then the next time you came here, Yoda and Mace would want to tag along with you. I am not giving up this image recorder."

His head going back and forth with the heated conversation, Obi-Wan finally found a free second to jump in. "Um, Master? I told you the truth. Can I have a hug?"

"A hug? Are you insane? After what you two just pulled, you have the nerve to ask me to hug you. Obi-Wan, you…just…can you…NO! No hugs. Get your partner-in-crime here to help you."

"Master Bren? Hug? This is angst. I need mush."

"Bug off, kid. You couldn't keep your lips shut long enough to warrant a hug. You pick today of all days to finally tell the truth about something? Better go find comfort in your pillow."

He knew it was time for an escape and Obi-Wan began to try and quietly creep away. Unfortunately, he was not creeping expertly enough and Qui-Gon grabbed him by the robe. "And you are going where?"

"Um, back to the temple to train like a good Jedi padawan? We really should get in some training, Master. These extra-curricular activities are not good for my morale at all. I need a good hard workout. Let's go."

"No. No workouts. That would make you too happy. I want you to do some research. When we get home, go to the archives. I want a report from you on anything. Subject matter, I don't care. But it'll keep you busy for several hours while I talk to Bren."

"Uh huh. Talk. Right. I already told Archives Mari that I wanted to do research anyway. I want to learn about the history of mush."

"You can learn about the history of Mr. Poof's neck for all I care. Just be gone from our apartment."

"Not that Poofy's neck is not exciting research material, but I think I'll pass on that. It might be part of the history of mocking anyway."

They began the slow stroll toward the exit. Qui-Gon giving Bren the evil glare. Bren doing the same to him. "Don't think you can make up with me that easily," she said

"Me? I'm not the one who has to make up with anyone. You are the one who assumed I was having an affair. I think you are the one who needs to apologize."

"You're the one that just vanishes into nowhere several times a week and comes back looking so perfect and smelling so…so…flowery. What would you think I would expect? Now I find out you've become the Pampered Jedi. What kind of role model are you for this boy, anyway? Next time you and he face an enemy, you'll be more worried about your fingernails or messing up your hair."

"And that's worse than Obi-Wan worrying about where his next hug is coming from?"

Obi-Wan looked back at the pair walking behind him. "Time for a hug yet?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "See what I mean?"

"Let's just go home. We'll work this out once we're out of this crowd. And no I am not giving up this image recorder. And don't get any ideas about trying to steal it from me while I'm asleep or something. I know that's in your plans. I won't fall for it. If you kiss up to me, you die."

Obi-Wan snickered. "Master, you are in the dug-house now. You need to be less obvious about your intentions."

"And you need to keep your mouth shut. Keep walking."

They arrived at the Jinn/Kenobi apartment. Obi-Wan quickened his pace in an attempt to get to his room before his master figured out what to do next. He wasn't fast enough.

"Freeze, Mushboy! Come back here."

A sigh. Obi-Wan turned around, defeated, and wandered back towards Qui-Gon. "Yes, Master?"

"What do you mean, yes, Master? No smart remark?"

"You haven't said anything that requires a smart remark. Don't worry though. I know your track record. You'll say something stupid eventually. I've lost count of how many times you've had to put your foot in your mouth because of stupid comments. Right, Master Bren?"

Bren glared at him. "Leave me out of this one."

"Obi-Wan, I want you to make yourself invisible. Disappear. Go. Do it. Now."

"Master, as Jedi we have many abilities. Unfortunately becoming invisible is not one of them."

"Especially with your mouth. I didn't mean…Obi-Wan, GO AWAY! Is that a Jedi ability? Yes, I think so. Go to the archives. Remember we talked about you doing a report? Now is the time. Go."

"Are you and Master Bren going to do the adult mush thing? Is that why you want me gone? That's not the way to tell someone you are sorry for being a fool. I sure hope you at least lock the door. I'd hate to come back to my OWN quarters and find you two with your lips stuck together. Slobber is an ugly thing, Master."

Sometimes Qui-Gon amazed even himself with his talent for holding back his anger and frustration. Now was one of those times. He tightened his jaw, clenched his teeth and spoke slowly. "Get out now. Go to the archives. I don't want to see you for at least three hours. Understand? Good. Now go."

Bren took the boy by the arm and pulled him to the door. "Humor him, okay kid? He's going to try and get this image recorder from me by using all those mushy nicknames that you hate so much. You don't want to hear that, do you?"

"Nope. Bye." He ran out of the door as fast as he legs would take him. Destination: Archives.

The young Jedi remembered that Mari had told him he was not to come into the archives alone. But she was nowhere to be seen, so he carefully made his way to a computer console and typed in: The History of Mush.

He was making good progress when all of the sudden he felt a dark presence behind him. Turning around, he saw a very angry Mari Deril looking back at him. "WHAT are you doing here? Did I not tell you, just today that you were not allowed in here without supervision? Did you not listen when I told you that? Does anything register in that brain of yours? What are you doing?"

"Master Qui-Gon sent me here. I have to do a research project while he tries to make up with Master Bren. You know, adult mush stuff. You and Master Brazo know all about that, don't you?"

"My personal business is none of your business. Aren't you sick? I thought you said you were ill when we saw you in the plaza before."

"Oh, um…I was sick. All better now though. Must been one of those twenty-four minute viruses."

"I want you out of here. Now."

"Then you will have to speak with Master Qui-Gon. He sent me. And I have to stay here for at least three hours."

"Since when do you listen to your master about anything?"

"I listen to him. But I pick and choose which things I actually want to abide by. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to begin my research. Someone told me that there is an information chip called 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' I would like to know where in the archives I can find that, please."

Mari chewed on her lip for a second before responding. It was obvious that the boy had already gotten under her skin. "It doesn't exist in the archives."

"You didn't even check. How do you know?"

"I know everything that's in this place. Unlike some, I pay attention to my job."

"No, it's just that you've been in it for ninety years. Why are you so cranky?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry. Please help me locate this information chip. I need it."

Reluctantly, she reached over the padawan, punched a few keys and shook her head. "See? The search turns up empty. I told you, it's not in the archives. I don't know which of your hug-infested, annoying, immature friends told you that it was here, but it's not. Go away now."

Obi-Wan sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "I know it's here. And I'm not leaving until I find it. Master Brazo is the one who told me about it. He said he read it many years ago. Do I need to tell him that you are talking bad about him? Or can we settle this real nice-like? Master Brazo wouldn't lie to me. We'll he would, but not about mush. He and I go way back."

"You've known him for a year."

"I told you we go way back. Please show me how to find this chip. I'm being very polite right now. And respectful. I haven't hugged anyone or talked to anyone, except you. I am controlled. And you won't help me. I suppose you can't give me any information on the planet of Kamino either, can you?"

"Huh?"

"Okay fine. Since you won't help me, I'll have to ask everyone else in the archives. If I hug them, they'll be glad to assist me." He got up from his seat and motioned towards an older master sitting alone at a research station.

"NO! SIT! STAY! The last time you did that, I had fifty complaints about how I operate the archives."

"Then help me. Please."

"How have you survived so long without someone killing you?"

"Mush. Even the most evil of people can get unwound by mush. Perhaps you should read 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' It might loosen you up a bit. You're the most uptight person I've ever met. Come here, let me hug you. Come to Obi."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

"Hey, that's better than I can do!"

"I don't want a hug. I want you to be quiet and stop talking to me. Just do your research and then get OUT!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "But I can't do my research. You won't help me. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. And you are starting to look more stressed out than Master Qui-Gon. I told you that you need a hug. Master Bren never gets like this. Why? Because she accepts hug and enjoys them. She doesn't condemn me for being overly mushy. Now, I will ask one last time. Can you please tell me how to locate the chip called 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' I will wait patiently while you located it."

Face clenched and breathing increasing, Mari threw her hands up. "Force, you are an annoying little thing, aren't you?"

Before Obi-Wan could respond, a short, dark-haired young woman came to stand near Mari. Rellan D'cai, the archives assistant and currently training under Mari. "I see Kenobi is back again. Weren't you told not to come back here without supervision?"

"Is this how one is greeted in the archives? Do you ask everyone that same question when they come in? Do I know you? Why am I talking to you?"

"I am Rellan. Assistant here in the archives."

"And your point is?"

Mari nodded to Rellan. "Please take care of him, Rellan. I need a valium." And she wandered off quickly.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "If she needs to speak with the Chancellor, she's going in the wrong direction."

"What are you talking about?" Rellan said, already confused. "She said nothing about Chancellor Valorum. You need to go now, Kenobi. You are disturbing the other guests here."

"I am not! All I am asking is one simple thing. I need the location of the information chip titled, 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' Once I find that, I will be out of your hair forever." He sat quietly, waiting for a reply.

"What have you been smoking, kid? There is no such title. And if there was, it would not be held here, in the Jedi Temple."

"There is a title and it is here and I haven't been smoking anything, thank you. I don't hang out with Master Yoda anymore."

"There is no such chip. Go home."

"There is and no, I won't go home. You are sad. You're just as angry as Archives Mari. Must be this work environment. Dark and dreary. You could use a hug."

Rellan paused for a moment, thinking of how wonderful hugs of the past have felt. Maybe a hug would help her relieve some stress. "I do need one. You like to hug everything that moves. How about a hug, Kenobi?"

A loud laugh burst out from Obi-Wan's mouth. "You have GOT to be kidding. You want me to hug you? You want ME to hug YOU? You're funny. You make me laugh. You come in here all high and mighty, treating me like Bantha poodoo and you want a hug. Keep on dreamin'. Obi don't play that. I am not here to hug you. I am not here to talk to you. I am here on the request of my master that I do research and I want the chip called 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' For the last time, would someone PLEASE help me find it!"

The woman was left speechless and stunned. She walked away in a fit, also mumbling to herself.

Rolling his eyes, Obi-Wan began talking to himself. "I really need to talk to Master Yoda about this place. I come here for a legitimate reason and they don't even offer to help me. Just tell me something doesn't exist. Don't bother putting any effort into actually checking for it. No, that would make too much sense. Can't have any customer service around here. I get better service in the middle of the desert. And then the nerve to ask for a hug. Just because I like to hug, doesn't mean that I'll hug anyone on demand. I'd have every moron on the planet asking me for mush. Sheesh."

He stopped babbling when a deep voice came up behind him. "Talking to yourself again?"

Obi-Wan turned around and smiled. "Master Brazo! How did you know I needed you?"

"I didn't. I'm here to see Mari, not you. Did you need something? I mean, something other than a hug?"

"Oh, you have no idea. Archives Mari and her sith henchmen won't help me find that chip you told me about. 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' You told me about it, and they tell me it's not here. Help me, Master Brazo. You're my only hope."

Brazo knelt down in front of the monitor that Obi-Wan was searching on. He keyed in a few search terms and the location for the chip in question popped right up. "There you go. Look at that, it's listed at being in the aisle that's almost directly behind you. Second shelf."

The pair got up and moved to the aisle, Brazo hit the key to rotate to the second shelf and there, as it should be, was Obi-Wan's elusive information chip about mush. "I love you, Master Brazo. See how easy that was? Why did they give me such a hard time about it? I was behaving, asking politely. Why do you like Archives Mari so much? She's not very nice to me. Isn't that important to you?"

The big man smiled and put an arm around the boy. "It's very important to me, Obi-Wan. But so is Mari. Sometimes you drive her nuts. Sometimes you drive me nuts. You drive your master nuts all the time. Not everyone is going to love you. Not everyone is going to like you. It's just a fact of life. I like her. I like you. Can we leave it at that?"

"Okay, I can deal with that. I think I even drive myself nuts on occasion. I'm not an easy kid to live with."

"No," Brazo chuckled, "but you are entertaining. You go ahead and do your research now. I'll go see Mari."

"She said something about Chancellor Valium and then walked away from me. Go figure."

Obi-Wan hugged the older Jedi and then took a seat back at the table again to start reading.

Three hours came and went. Obi-Wan sprinted to his quarters as soon as the time was up. He thought it best to press the door chime, just incase there was any adult mush happenings going on. A moment after the chime sounded, Qui-Gon appeared at the door as it slid open. "Padawan. Finished your research?"

"Yes, Master. Um…anything I shouldn't be seeing if I come in here?"

"What?"

"You mean there's been no adult mush?"

"Would you stop with that. No, there was no adult mush. And if there was, that's none of your business anyway. Bren and I had a nice long talk."

"Did she give up the image recorder?" He said as he padded slowly into the apartment.

"No, she won't give that up."

"Yes! Way to go, Master Bren."

"Obi-Wan, you are supposed to side with me on things like this. I am your master after all."

"Yeah, but she pays more attention to me. Hi, Master Bren!" He sprinted to the kitchen and threw his arms around her. "Are you still mad at me?"

Bren smiled. "No way, kid."

"Good because I have GOT to tell you both about the research I did. It's called 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' And it's everything you could ever want to know about mush and more. How hugs began. How they have evolved. Hugs of the future. How people without mush survive. It even has a section in it called 'How to mush a non-musher.' That's for me and you, Master. I'll read it to you later. I made a copy of the chip for myself so I can study up on it. You should read this. Then you'll truly understand me."

"No offense, kid, but a little reading is not going to explain you. You are unique. One in a million."

"Awww thanks, Master Bren."

While those two were rambling about hugs, Qui-Gon's eyes zeroed in on the image recorder on the table near the couch. Slowly he began to inch his way towards it, doing his best to look inconspicuous. When he thought he was close enough he made a mad dash for it. Bren saw his sprint out of the corner of her eye and rushed to intercept. She dove at him, while he dove for the device. Seconds later, Qui-Gon was on his stomach the floor, image recorder in hands, trying to wrestle it away from Bren who was sitting on him and whacking him in the head with a couch pillow. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan stood back and smiled. A sneaky smile. He had his own image recorder and this was classic.

By the time he ran into his room and then back out, Qui-Gon and Bren were still wrestling on the floor. Obi-Wan stood back and snapped several quick holos. Then to polish it off, he stood in front of them, and yelled out, "Master Qui-Gon and Master Bren, smile!"

They looked up at the boy, with expressions of wild confusion on their faces just as Obi-Wan snapped the last holo. Bren and Qui-Gon began stumbling to their feet and clumsily reaching for the padawan.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi! Give me that image recorder! If you don't, I'll never hug you again."

"Sorry, Master. You don't hug me now. Can't use that as a threat. I'm gonna take these holos and put them right beside my copy of 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' It'll remind me of the entertaining day that I've had today."

Qui-Gon finally was able to stand and grab Obi-Wan by the collar. "Give me that, Obi-Wan."

"Nope."

"I'll hug you if you let me have it."

"Yeah, uh huh. Sure. When trolls fly."

Bren held a hand up, "Uh, Obi-Wan? Troll's are flying. Remember Yoda's floaty thing?"

"Damn! That's just so wrong. Little green men and UFO's. Unidentified Floaty Object."

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon wrapped his hand a little tighter around Obi-Wan's collar. "No more hugs and more visits to Master Brazo and no more Lima holos, unless you give up the recorder."

"Master, that is cruel. No more Lima? I can't… Lima needs me. He depends on me. He and I are close friends. We have a bond that runs very deep."

"You met him once, for five minutes. You have a bond that runs nowhere."

"At least he hugs me. He cares about me."

"I care about you."

"You only do because Master Bren will threaten you with no adult mush if you don't act like you care about me."

"Obi-Wan, you know that is not true. Who takes care of you when you're sick? Injured? When you've had a bad day?"

"Master Bren."

Bren stepped forward. "It's true, Stretch. I do."

"Stay out of this."

"Excuse me? You forget that I hold in my hand, the image recorder from the plaza that I wrestled away from you just now. One flip of the switch and Mr. Pampered Jedi holos get distributed all over the temple. Now, let the kid go and then hug him."

Obi-Wan grinned widely. "Listen to her, Master. She is wise. Let Obi go, and you will be free from blackmail. Come on now, lemme go. And then hug me. You can do it, Master. That's a good boy. Good, Master Qui-Gon…good…"

"OBI-WAN!"

"Okay, okay. I was just having a little fun. Someone needs a time-out. Sheesh. Oh, I need to tell you about this sith assistant that Archives Mari has working for her too. Her name is Rellan D'caid or Adid or Acid or something. I don't know. But she's more angry than Anakin."

"Who?"

"My padawan."

"Obi-Wan, you don't have a padawan, you are one."

"I know that."

"Then why did you say you had a padawan."

"I didn't."

"You just said that someone named Anakin was your padawan."

"He is."

"But you don't HAVE a padawan."

"But I will."

"Not if I kill you before you pass your trials."

Bren stood shaking her head, finally interrupting them. "Boys, please. Enough. This is getting old. Maybe you should go back to Nev and see about counseling. I think he's back from his vacation now. Well, the Obi-induced vacation. Qui-Gon, let him go. You don't have to hug him, just let him go."

"But, Master Bren!" Obi-Wan protested the no-hug comment immediately.

"Cool it, kid. We've wasted a whole day with this nonsense. We are Jedi. It's time we act like it."

"I agree," Qui-Gon said. "Give me both of the image recorders and we can move on."

"Wrong, Stretch. Not part of the deal. We will keep these in our possession, just in case."

Obi-Wan held out his recorder. "Here, Master. You can delete the holos in mine."

"Thank you, Obi-Wan." He reached for the device just as Obi-Wan pulled it back.

"Can I have a hug first? You know, kinda like a trade? Please?"

"Give me the recorder first."

"No, you'll run from me after I do it. Run away with your hands over your ears saying lalalalalala. Just like you always do."

"I've never done that before. I'm much more dignified than that." He glared at Bren. "Don't say a word, Bren. Obi-Wan, come here, I'll hug you first."

The boy launched himself at Qui-Gon and fell into a comfortable embrace. He then spoke muffled words into his master's tunic. "I'm impressed, Master. This is one of your better hugs. Have you been practicing?"

"No, I haven't. Please let go now. The hug is over."

Obi-Wan sighed, released his hold and then presented the recorder to Qui-Gon. "Here. Go delete-happy. But after you do that, can we talk about 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' Please? I just crammed my brain with more information about mush than is humanly possible. I need to talk it out or my head might explode. Or I'll end up roaming the temple hugging anything that moves."

"You do that already."

"I know, but do you want me to hug the council members too? And tell them all about 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?'"

"Can you stop repeating that title? It's making me dizzy."

"Sorry. But it's my constant companion now. Can we please talk about it? I promise not to make fun of you getting your hair and nails done. Although your hair does look nice. They must use high-style curlers on it. Master, why do they call them curlers, when they don't make you hair curly? You hair is straight. A bit frizzy, but still straight. Shouldn't they call them non-curlers? Or curless curlers? Or maybe straightening curlers? How about curlers that don't curl? Or I think…"

Qui-Gon took a deep breath and released it in a long, drawn out sigh. He spoke softly in order to maintain his control. "I don't know why they are called curlers, Obi-Wan. And no, I don't want you to hug the council. They'll just corrupt you and talk down to you. Either that or they'll tell you that you didn't encounter a Sith Lord. It was just your imagination. You didn't do battle with him in the hot sands of Tattoine."

"Um, Master?"

"Huh? Oh sorry. I'm tired, Padawan. Would you like to sit with me on the couch and talk about your Absolute mushy hug chip thing?"

"You mean 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?'"

"Yes, that one."

Obi-Wan made a mad rush for the couch and flopped himself onto it. He plugged the information chip into the small computer on the table and punched up the first section. "I'm ready!"

Bren began to try and sneak towards the door. Qui-Gon grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him towards the common area. "No you don't. We started this day together, we'll finish it out together. If you won't give me your image recorder, then you pay the price. Obi-Wan needs an audience. And if I nod off while he's yakking, someone needs to be here to pay attention to him. I volunteer you."

"I'll stay, but only so the two of you don't kill each other when this turns ugly. And don't even think about falling asleep either. At least pretend that you are interested. Look how happy he is. Don't ruin it. Or I will use these holo's as blackmail."

"You play dirty."

"It's the only way I stay sane hanging out with you guys."

They wandered to the couch and sat down on either side of Obi-Wan. "Okay, Padawan. What's this first section about?"

Obi-Wan smiled broadly. "History of Mush 101. Sit back and enjoy the ride, Master. By the time we're done here, you'll be an expert on the art of mushing your apprentice. Not that you'll actually hug me, but at least you can't use that 'I'm not a good hugger' excuse anymore. That was weak anyway."

"Do you plan to smart mouth your way through this entire thing?"

"It's what I do best."

"Yes, how could I forget."

"The mind is the first thing to go, Master. At your age, you should remember these things. Oh wait, you can't remember if your mind is going. Sorry."

"Obi-Wan, enough with the lips. Unless you want me to leave this couch."

"Sorry, Master. Hmm, I sound like Anakin when I say that. Creepy. The little sith. Anyway, no don't leave. I'll be good. I'll try. But you know what mush does to me. Okay, refocus. 'The History of Mush through the Ages…"

Bren reached over and patted Qui-Gon on the shoulder. "He's a fast learner, maybe he'll be ready to take his trials by age eighteen."

"With my luck, he'll be with me until he's twenty-five. Force be with me."

"Master! Shhhhhhh! Listen to what the lady in this chapter is saying. It's important stuff. You two can talk about adult mush later when I'm not around."

"Obi-Wan, we were not talking about adult mush. We were talking about you."

"Awww, that's sweet, Master. You do care about me."

"No, I'm not hugging you."

"I didn't ask for a hug."

"No, but I know where you were attempting to go. Now can you keep quiet for a few minutes so we can listen to your History of Mush thing?"

"You mean 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' thing?"

Qui-Gon rolled his eyes and sighed. "Maybe we should just watch a Lima holo. It might make you less talkative."

"Great idea! We can do that after this. But we can't watch any sad Lima holo's. That'll just make need hugs. And you'll just reject my mush request again and I'll get mad. You'll get stressed. And Master Bren will just shake her head."

Bren…as if on cue, shook her head in disbelief at the boy's ability to talk. She needed to do something to get him refocused. "Kid! Enough. Shut your mouth and watch your info chip and I'll make sure that Qui-Gon hugs you afterwards. Shut up, Qui-Gon. Deal, kid?"

Qui-Gon offered up his troll-in-the-headlights look but kept quiet.

"It's a deal." The boy smiled, turned around and directed every ounce of his attention to the computer screen and concentrated…in silence.

A sneaky grin crept across Bren's face. "Am I good, or am I good?"

Qui-Gon frowned. "That's cheating. You used me as bait. Without my permission."

"Accept it and move on, Stretch. And be a good master and spend quality time with your mush-starved apprentice."

The big master sat back. For a short time he managed to stick with the whole history of mush thing, but his eyes grew heavy. His head fell to one side. Sleep had found him.

Until…

"Master! Section two! Hugging for Dummies. That's perfect for you. Listen…"

He gave up trying to fight the boy for the time being. It was no use. His energy was sapped. His yappy, mush-obsessed padawan had defeated him yet again.

"Okay, Obi-Wan…lets watch and then you can yap about it for hours afterwards. Your Jedi training can be put on hold. It's not vital to your future. Mush is more important right now."

"I knew you'd come over to my side of thinking eventually. Don't worry, you'll love it once you embrace it. Ha! Embrace. Hug. Get it? I crack myself up sometimes. Okay, I'll shut up now."

But he didn't. And Qui-Gon and Bren spent the next three hours learning about 'The Absolute Authoritative History of Mush and Hugs through the History of Life as We Know It, and Possible Implications for the Future of Our Species...Can We be Healthy Without Mush?' and watching Obi-Wan move from happiness to blissful euphoria with each new piece of mush information. And Qui-Gon could not help but wonder how in the name of the Force he was going to bring the boy down from a high like this. He sighed heavily as he was brought out of his thoughts once again by Obi-Wan's enthusiasm. There was no escape. No way out. He was trapped between black mail and mush.

"At least my hair and nails look good." He mumbled.

Obi-Wan and Bren gave him a questioning look. "What was that, Master?"

"Oh, nothing, Padawan. Just trying to think of positive things."

Then his thoughts suddenly skipped to revenge. He could not let his best friend and his apprentice get away with black mail and mush history without paying them back for it. Eventually. But it would have to be good. And well thought out. They were clever, those two. Clever and sneaky. He would have to challenge himself to defeat them at their own game. But he was Qui-Gon Jinn. Jedi Master. One of the most revered Jedi in the Order. He would not allow himself to be taken down by the actions of a woman who constantly bested him in sparring and a boy who felt the need to talk all hours of the day and night, even when not obsessed with hugging. There had to be a way…and he would find it. He had to, or his sanity would be a thing of the past. And then he'd be putty in their hands.

END


End file.
